When does life become bearable?

I’ve lost count of how many nights I’ve laid in bed, and stared up at my ceiling; my brain silent, but still busy with thoughts about my future. Every night, I space out, trying to figure out my purpose in life and sulking about why I’m still stuck. It’s constant. The same thoughts. That same fear of not finding out who I’m suppose to be. It all adds up, and slowly, it’s ripping me apart. 
I use to love to write and create short stories; creating new adventures. I loved to draw and watch my drawings get better with time…..I used to love doing a lot of things. But over time, my thoughts started to weight down on my heart. I lost people I cared so much about. I’ve allowed people to hurt me; allowing them to stomp all over me and get away with it….

I’ve lied constantly to my friends and family; Telling them “I’m fine” when In reality, I’m not. I lie to myself; tricking myself into believing that I’m okay, and that things will get better, to give it some time. But gave it some time. I gave it 20years, and still I feel stuck, lost and just….empty.

I’m so tired of being sad, and unhappy, but how can I change that? I’ve tired everything! I go out more, I walk to work and I’ve opened up more to my friends…But that’s not enough, and I don’t understand why. 

What am I missing in my life? 

Anyways, this will be the end of my post. I hope everyone is having a great day, and continue to enjoy the rest of your week. ❤

Love always,

Katie


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