“Everyone used to be smaller. I used to be smaller too.”

So what? What does it matter? Did you go up two sizes over the course of a year?

Just because you can accept your size doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to accept my size too. I never wanted to be this big and unhealthy. I never wanted to gain this much weight and be this unfit. I never wanted to be this unhappy with myself.

I told you I didn’t want to shop. I told you I didn’t need to buy jeans. You still made me go.

I knew I would end up feeling this way. I wish I could say I’m just overreacting, but it doesn’t feel like I am. This was my first time shopping after gaining so much weight… I didn’t even know what size I was in the first place. 

None of my old clothes fit me anymore. None of the clothes I wanted to try on at the store fit me anymore. How is it easy to accept that?

I also knew you wouldn’t understand or get how I feel. How being this big and unfit makes me feel…

I’m starting to think it doesn’t matter that much to you.

I wish you started caring with me about our health or started caring more about how I feel like a bag of fat cow shit. And how much I want to change that. I can’t even do the things I used to love doing the same anymore. Hell, I have a hard time doing easy hikes.

Does anyone understand how sad I feel?

I need to change myself. I want to be happy. And being at this weight makes me feel the complete opposite.

Sincerely,

Jennie


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