For the first time this week, I am not swamped with so much work to focus on. So what exactly am I doing to kill some time?
Cleaning out my Facebook.
I’m currently going through my photo albums, notes and messages. My goodness. The way I used to type back then… I can’t. One of the most annoying things to come across and read. But then again, that was how all of my friends typed, back in 2009.
Ah. Friends. School friends. Old friends. It’s amazing how much I’ve evolved and changed from that little girl who used to feel like she didn’t fit in anywhere, into this strong, independent woman, who learnt the hard way on how to focus on just herself.
People can be awful. Friendships can be hard to maintain after the other party deeply hurts you. Being kindhearted is both a blessing and a curse.
Facebook is the last place anyone from my past can find me on. My IG is private and I’ve unfollowed anyone I met during my elementary, junior high and high school years. My Snapchat friends list only consists of the friends I’ve made the last few years. The only place they can actually find my existence on is Facebook. The only social media website where I post “one in a blue moon” updates of my life.
I’ve completely dropped those old friends and disappeared out of their lives, despite the desire to stay in contact with them.
I will admit. I do miss them sometimes. There are times where I’ll go online and see photos of old friend reunions, or post-secondary graduations, young marriages, and photos that show how much they’ve all grown as well. Part of me wishes I was there to see and support them through all of those life milestones and journeys.
I do envy those who have lasting relationships from their school days… Being able to grow up together is a special friendship to have. But I definitely do not regret cutting my old friends out of my life.
It’s not about forgiving them. Because I do forgive them for what they’ve done that hurt me.
It’s about how much we’ve all changed. I wouldn’t be able to find a place in my heart for them. And frankly, I’m more than happy with the people I have in my life right now.
I wouldn’t have become the person I am today if I did not do what I did. I showed others that my heart was not to be stepped on, and I was no longer going to tolerate being constantly pummeled to the ground. It was the hurtful happenings, wound after wound, that I went through that gave me enough courage and strength to be on my own. I wanted nothing but my family surrounding me, and only myself to rely on.
I think everyone got the message.
It took a few years to open up and let others back into my life again. But after being so closed off for so long, I developed a backbone that used to be non-existent. I know now what kind of treatment I deserve, and I will never let myself get walked on like that again.
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this blog. I guess it’s because I’m still in awe reminiscing about my past, seeing how far I’ve come, and seeing how strong I’ve made myself to be. I am so proud of person I’ve become. And I don’t say that to myself very often.
Thanks for reading!