605 Kilometers Away

There were many times in my life where I wished that I could move to a new city and give my life a new start. I’m sure everyone has felt that way at least once in their life. Only a few actually make the decision to move.

When I was in my last year of High School, I had two really great people in my life that I was able to call my best friends. During this time in my life, I was so happy and felt so blessed to have gain these individuals that cared about me as much as I did for them. I never really had a good set of friends from school; I was friendly, but I didn’t feel the need to socialize much. It was only when I had met these two individuals where I finally felt cared for.

Unfortunately, we had a falling out. As most friendships do. Most High School friendships don’t last too long, although it is possible in some cases. They hurt me very much to the point where it became hard for me to trust others that wanted to be in my life. It’s a long story (I may share it another time), but to cut to the chase, ever since then, I did not have many long lasting relationships as I never put my full trust into anyone I met. I became so cynical and bitter towards the idea of maintaining strong friendships that I was always the first one to leave. I was always the first one to cut someone out of my life once I felt some kind of hurt.

During that tough period of time I cut them out of my life for good, I only had my cousin to confide in. We hung out at least once a week because we were each other’s rock, despite our differences. I didn’t really have anyone, and neither did she at school. Her boyfriend lives in the USA, so they both spend a sum amount of months in both countries. Just only enough that each government will allow – 6 months stay or so. It broke my heart not having someone to confide in the first year she moved. I did not have anyone to talk to. Nor did I have anyone to hang out with. It was nice to be alone but at the same time, it was very hard to be alone.

When I started working at my current job in April 2014, my initial intention was to get out of my previous job. I worked at a place that paid me under the minimum wage and I did more work than what was needed for my position. I needed to find a temporary job that could get me out of there, then also finding another job to officially settle down with. I did not plan on staying with the current organization I am with now.

I had my mind set on leaving this organization that I did not bother making friends at all. I came into work, did my job and left for home right away. This went on for another 6 months.

But then one day, I decided it was time to talk. I was exhausted from my shift that day and decided to sit and rest in our common area for a little bit. I already knew a few of my coworkers after having to work with them for 6 months, but I never hung out with them outside of work. I sat at a table with a few of them that I knew, had a conversation for 15 minutes or so, and then one of them asked if anyone had my number. At the time, her name was Ardelle. I don’t really like spelling his name like this, as it’s now Ardel, nor do I like using the pronoun “she”, but he was a “she” when we first started talking.

Ardel was the first person, after 6 months, who actually reached out to me and got my number so I was able to somewhat be in this type of bond our coworkers made outside of work. That was definitely a small, memorable moment in my life. I’ve been friends with Ardel ever since. And I’ve also been working at my current job ever since.

We were also really good friends with this hilarious girl named Julia. I can’t use the right terms to describe the kind of girl she is and how her personality is, but she was liked by many at our workplace and always said things that made everyone laugh. Julia is also my good friend, but I was never as close to her as I was with Ardel, I feel.

She moved to Spruce Grove, AB, just outside of Edmonton, from the beginning of this May. She moved in with her boyfriend of 2 years? Give or take. Ardel, Julia and I would always hang out and have group chats on our phone all week, and occasional 3-way phone calls late at night. I felt sad that she was leaving and moving out of the city. But because we did not connect all the time through out the years, it was not as difficult to accept. It was more bearable because we only saw each other once or twice every few months when she was living here in Calgary.

I keep typing. I can’t stop. I don’t know if this is too long or not. But this is my blog so I will continue to express myself.

Fast forward to how I am feeling right now… I’m writing this blog because Ardel, my little brother from another mother, one of my best friends, if not the best of the best, will be moving sometime in the following months to Kelowna, BC.

Ardel has been there for me through it all (the last couple of years). He’s been there for me through the good and the bad. I know all friendships are supposed to be like that, but seriously. He is one loyal ass human being. We live about 10 minutes away from one another so he would pick me up to go somewhere – most times we would go to places to eat. Sometimes I would pick him up (when I had my car) just so I would have some kind of company if I needed to go somewhere, and he was always down for it. We always carpooled to work, whether it was in his car, or mine. We also always went to the mall to shop for clothes. It’s kind of funny, because I really influenced his fashion. If I didn’t like the shirt or pants he tried on, he would put it back on the rack. If I did, he’d add that to the pile of clothing he was willing to buy.

When we were stressed, we would always talk about our problems to get them off our mind to one another. If we were having boy/girl problems, we would always go to one another and really confide in each other about them. We always listened and gave each other advice. There was never really a moment where I felt it was too difficult to talk to him about something that was bothering me.

He is the type of friend that you know you can call at 3AM and he would wake up to talk to you for a bit if you were upset. He’s honestly the only one I call when I’m crying. Well, actually, before Joseph, he would be the only one I’d call. Now, when I cry about Joseph, that’s when I call Ardel right away. He’s heard AND has seen me with full on tears streaming down my face. He has just always been there and we’ve always been real with one another. He’s family to me. I hope he feels I am family to him too.

It just makes me sad that he’s moving away for who knows how long. I am happy for him though. He has a really good opportunity waiting for him in Kelowna and I know he will succeed in what he needs to further his career path. But I am also really sad that he won’t be at his house when I need to stop by because I’m crying. He’ll be a text or a call away, but it just won’t be the same. He won’t be there when I’m hungry all of a sudden and want to meet up with someone to eat with. He won’t be there when I want to hang out with a good friend. He won’t be there to pick up when I’m bored or need company to drive to a different part of the city.  He won’t be there pulling our cashiers when I’m there at work to cash the cashiers out. I won’t be seeing him anymore.

I guess I’m a little bit afraid of losing good friends. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that I deserve good people in my life, so there are times where I feel like situations like this where my friends are moving away, should happen. I know it’s a bit of a selfish thing to feel this way as I should be happy for him. I just don’t want to lose anyone in my life anymore.

I really hope that he succeeds and we continue to maintain our friendship somehow as well. I will really miss that little man in my life and being within 10 minutes away from my home. He is such a good friend with a good heart. I suppose I should just sit back and be grateful that I’ve gotten to know such an honest and true person so well like Ardel.

I’ll try not to mope.

Any who, we will be going to Kelowna tomorrow (leaving at 5:00AM and it’s now near 11:00PM… please shoot me now), and will be back in Calgary by Sunday night… With work the next Monday morning. It will be Ashley, Ardel, Joseph and I going and I’m honestly stoked for a small weekend break from work. This will also be another memory I’ll treasure.

Yikes. All of the things that goes on in my mind… If you’ve read this whole thing, thanks so much for reading.

Sincerely,

Jennie


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